Being for the Protection of English Majors

"Colleges across the country this spring have been wrestling with student requests for what are known as 'trigger warnings,' explicit alerts that the material they are about to read in a classroom might upset them" -- New York Times

The English department would like to alert potential majors that some of the literary works they encounter may spark unpleasant responses in populations with certain sensitivities. Please ask your instructor for suitable substitutes where appropriate. 

Do not read:	If you've had struggles or traumatic experiences with any of the following:
Mrs. Dalloway	post-traumatic stress; defenestration; party planning
The Scarlet Letter	slut-shaming; self-flagellation; heavy-handedness; Demi Moore sensitivity
Lord of the Flies	beach vacations; pork products; sausage fests; Conch shell shock; summer camp
King Lear	daddy issues; eye trauma; cracked cheeks; water damage
"The Metamorphosis"	pest control; fruit abuse; carapace irritation; familial intolerance of personal lifestyle
To Kill a Mockingbird	mob-shaming; dog-shooting; recluse-pestering
"Dover Beach"	fear of heights; melancholia; open vowel syndrome
The Corrections	repression; dementia; midwestern Protestantism; authorial condescension
Atlas Shrugged	speechifying; people who like to talk about Atlas Shrugged
"Hills Like White Elephants"	Drinking; bead curtains; similes; obliquity
"The Hollow Men"	rat phobias; pear intolerance; Conrad references
Ulysses	leg-ogling; biscuit assault; underwear objectification; excessive allusion; June 16
Moby Dick	whales; whaling; whale-centrism; accidental amputation; cetacean albinism; minutiae
“The Raven”	weakness/weariness; surcease of sorrow; letting go; ornithophobia
Fifty Shades of Grey	Breath hitching; lip biting
The Grapes of Wrath	Family road trips; dust allergies; lactose intolerance