You Got Servered — Eric Pfeffinger

The State Department's review of emails from Hillary Clinton's personal server continues to turn up items of crucial importance. A sampling:

From: HRCFleetwoodFan1947@hotmail.com
To: bboy@aol.com
Subject: RE: funny
bill,the one about the dead golfer is minimally funny. was somewhat funnier the last time you forwarded it to everyone in your address book, & exponentially funnier the time before that. also please ask Chels to show you how to bcc.--h

From: HRCFleetwoodFan1947@hotmail.com
To: pralislassis@myway.com
Subject: RE: Central Bank
Dear Prince Islassis,Thank you for contacting me for help in moving funds out of your country for the Nigerian National Petroleum Company. I am obviously very interested. May I suggest you direct your inquiry to my colleague in the State Department, Dr. Kate Idontbelieveyou in the Whataloadofcrap division.You just got Hillaried, sucka. Boom.Best,HRC

From: HRCFleetwoodFan1947@hotmail.com
To: chelsea1980@gmail.com
Subject: RE: Also
Hi, sweetie. Still having trouble with Skype. I did everything you said and still all I get is my own face. And BELIEVE ME I see enough of that every day! lolol! HA! Also our HBOGo password is RtWingConspiracy1234, you can use it anytime, your dad got ALL the Game of Thrones on DVD at Half Price Books anyway for some reason.
P.S. could you help your dad again with the bcc thing, thanks
Love, Mom

From: HRCFleetwoodFan1947@hotmail.com
To: custserv@serverworld.com
Subject: warranty
To whom it may concern,I have a question about the warranty covering our recently purchased high-performance dedicated server. I understand that we're protected in case of overheating, parts failure, and software issues. But I was unclear about whether we were covered in the case of other everyday occurrences, such as flooding, power failure, hostile missile strikes or hacking by North Korea.Thanks in advance for your assistance.

From: HRCFleetwoodFan1947@hotmail.com
To: habedin1@yahoo.com
Subject: UGGGGHHH
pls. do me a HUGE favor and let a. merkel know I'm soooo sorry, i'd get back to her emails sooner if they didn't all go straight to my spam filter. might help if she didn't use all those cutesy images & quirky animations in her signature file, don't tell her i said that, just sayin'.--hrc

From: HRCFleetwoodFan1947@hotmail.com
To: bboy@aol.com
Subject: RE: funny
bill,"that's what she said" is not automatically funny in response to just anything, it has to make some minimal kind of connective sense in order for the comedy to be optimally successful.please get it together, thx.--h

From: HRCFleetwoodFan1947@hotmail.com
To: askamy@tribune.com
Subject: advice
Dear Ask Amy,Do you have any advice for what a person should do if other people are constantly assuming that she's secretive, arrogant, controlling and accountable? I've been giving the problem some thought and the only strategies I can think of are:
1. Withdraw, clam up, and punish these people for their audacity by keeping everything they want to know out of their reach, e.g., as on a dedicated high-performance server upstate, or
2. That's the only strategy I can think of.
Which I guess means I answered my own question and I don't need you to do anything at all. You're welcome.--Working Gal

From: HRCFleetwoodFan1947@hotmail.com
To: chelsea1980@gmail.com
Subject: RE: RE: Also
Always appreciate your helpful advice, sweetie, but all due respect, "lolol" and "HA" are not redundant; that's just the level of amusement I was conveying. I have a lot of joy and giddiness burbling up in me and they have to come out sometimes, lololololol HA lol
Love, Mom

From: HRCFleetwoodFan1947@hotmail.com
To: jsteinberg@state.gov and 17,000 others
Subject: RE: RE: RE: meetings
Hello all.The next person who hits "Reply All" to this string is getting sent to Bosnia. (It's dangerous there; I could tell you some stories.):)
No, but really.
--HRC

From: HRCFleetwoodFan1947@hotmail.com
To: bboy@aol.com
Subject: RE: priorities
bill,not judging or cramping yr style, just saying that if it's taking up half of a dedicated high-performance server then yr probably downloading too many videos. you know you can just watch charlie bit my finger on youtube as many times as you want, right? ask chelsea about this & also the bcc thing.--h

From: HRCFleetwoodFan1947@hotmail.com
To: habedin1@yahoo.com
Subject: schedule
pls move the press availability about openness and transparency to eleven so we'll have time in the afternoon for the secret papers bonfire, thx.--hrc

From: HRCFleetwoodFan1947@hotmail.com
To: bboy@aol.com
Subject: honestly
bill,no offense but I really think maybe you should think about getting a real job. no one shld know as much about you do as who's still on the view and who's not on the view anymore and why.sorry not sorry,h