The Antivaxxiest Place on Earth
ANAHEIM, CA -- Through no fault of its own, Disneyland has come in recent weeks to be associated with measles outbreaks stemming from the anti-vaccination movement. The theme park has announced its intention to embrace its new branding and roll out an assortment of new attractions, including the following.
Mr. Toad's Dry Cough
It's a Small Rash After All
Buzz Lightyear Outbreak Clusters
Diarrhea Splash Mountain
Seven Dwarfs Mumps Train
Contagious Mansion
Goofy's General Malaise
Pirates of the Incubation
Snow White's Scary Thimerosal
Peter Pan's Flight from Reality
The Many Swellings of Winnie the Pooh
Jenny McCarthy's Carousel of Regress
And of course don't skip the new favorite: Dumbo’s Herd Immunity! Will the Dumbo car you're sitting in be one that's tightly bolted to the armature, or one that could break loose and go tumbling into a crowd of onlookers? Hold tight, have fun, and enjoy the breathless thrill of free choice!